Limerick – Dame

There was on old theatre dame Whose memory was on the wane When panto began He declared I’m a man But I cannot remember my name!


They had me Doubled me up Would not let me go I sobbed Helpless Wracked Tears streaming I ached And shook With turbulent spasms Useless I stumbled Cause forgotten Irrelevant Tiny I begged For respite Crumpled Exhausted I cried Oh release me laughter!

Limerick – Mary

As Mary sat upon a chair She thought it quite contraire That while she stood And felt quite good The chair was always there

Limerick – Girl

There once was a girl from the West Who could play tunes with her chest She could hit the right pitch By rubbing her tits And strumming her fine stringy vest

Limerick – Fairy

Delilah was quiet and airy Preferring to act like a fairy When she guessed she could fly She murmured a cry While plunging to land in an eyrie

Limerick – Nice man

A noisy young man from Nice Decided to travel to Greece As he shouted I’ve started And loudly departed His neighbours looked forward to peace


My sister likes moustaches She says they are risqué They make her very happy She wears one everyday


I’m getting in my wardrobe Because I want to hide I know it will be cosy When I am inside I need to feel the cloth About my naked self I know this really is Amazing for my health I do it everyday It’s such a massive help Sitting in the wardrobe Perching on a…

Bad Bake

Doilys, glaze and icing Frosting, lace and gloss Sorbet, frills and glitter Cherries, piping, snot

Limerick – Niece

My niece came round last week We played at hide and seek She took the lip gloss And the glue When found she could not speak